Despite the fond memories of my youth and my parents’ integrity towards their parental responsibilities, I was still affected by trauma at a young age.
Being independent at a very young age, I suffered a lot of loneliness due to an involuntary lack of attention from my parents. I felt rejected by them. This false perception had bad consequences for my life. It led me to shut myself away.
In my early teens, my father became ill. Seven years later, he died. This had a huge impact on my life.
I rebelled in those moments of loneliness and despair by building a new identity. I started getting involved in criminal activities.
The people around me were dangerous and corrupt. I had become just like them.
The feeling of abandonment that I’d carried with me since my early childhood gave rise to hatred. For a very long time, I lived with this feeling of injustice. A feeling that made me hate the person I thought I was.
I suffered continuously. My suffering was so intense that I wanted to take my own life. I slept with a knife under my mattress. At night, before going to sleep, I would place the knife against my chest. I hoped the pain would stop. I just needed to get that kitchen knife into my chest and be done with it. I couldn’t do it. At the time, I couldn’t understand why I couldn’t take my own life. It was only years later that the Truth was revealed to me.
Over the years, I was completely overwhelmed by this dark and murky road. My surroundings were always full of bandits. I was someone you couldn’t trust. I was ready to sacrifice anyone or anything to satisfy my selfish desires.
Despite my ambition to prosper in my criminal career, a time came when business was not as it had once been. The money had stopped. I found myself despairing over circumstances in my life that eventually led directly to imprisonment.
The cell I was in was so small that I was going crazy being imprisoned there. At that very moment, I made a decision that had a huge impact on my life. I prayed.
I didn’t even know how to pray at the time. Considering myself the god of my universe, I had lost the notion of praying to a supreme being.
When it came time to pray, my memory was rusty from the Lord’s prayer I’d been taught in catechism groups when I was younger. So, I tried to remember how to pray, and the only thing I could recite to myself was: “Our Father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name…” The rest came out like a whisper. Despite this, prayer brought me peace. It was then that I promised God that I would renounce my criminal activities to better serve Him.
I’d love to tell you that my life started going better from that moment on, but sadly, it wasn’t to be.
Despite my newfound conviction, my heart was still in darkness.
I thought I was convincing God of my good intentions, while at the same time believing that He would grant my darkest desires. Those of power and money. But God doesn’t make pacts like that. To believe that I could control and direct my relationship with God based on the sins of my heart is completely absurd. Nevertheless, I believed it to be so.
All my attempts to convince God of my plans were useless. This left me with a rather bitter taste in my relationship with Him.
Disappointed, I lost hope of finding my happiness in the Lord. So, I started looking for another solution. I decided to turn to Satan.
Having made this decision, I felt as if a door had opened. A door that should have remained closed.
I had deliberately chosen to let the devil in. Satan seized that opportunity. The sin in me had just led me down the road to perdition.
Many things happened in those moments of my life that I’m still not sure I understand to this day. Was it simply a matter of insanity? Or was it my imagination playing tricks on me? Or was it the powers of darkness that began to converse with me telepathically? Only God can say for sure. For my part, I’m convinced that a direct link with demons was created.
The dark side. The study of the occult. Magic and demonology were now the focus of my existence. My quest for power continued and fueled my sin. I was reciting invocations to reach demons. I experienced astral journeys where demons were chasing me on electric wires.
Nevertheless, I must specify one event in particular. I believe it was one of the greatest deliverances I could receive from Jesus Christ.
I was in bed, half asleep. It was then that I had a dream, or at least I think it was a dream. Here’s how my experience unfolded: I’m walking down a long corridor made of old bricks covered with cobwebs. Prisoners’ chains were linked after the walls. I was accompanied by someone. I remember my companion looked a lot like me physically. Except for an evil expression that made his face sharper, pointier. He guided me through the tunnel. All the while, he explained various things to me that sounded more like whispers.
Eventually, we made our way to the end of the corridor, which led to a large, round room that looked just as morbid as the corridor. A pedestal stood in the center of the room. There was a large open book on the pedestal. My companion pointed in the direction of the book, letting me know that I should go there. As I got closer to the book, I noticed that it was filled with different names. The book seemed like a register where people sign their names to confirm their presence at some event. My guide then pointed to an empty line on a page of the book. All the lines in the book were numbered, and the line assigned to me was number 168.
I was signaled to sign my name on this line, and just as I was about to do so, I heard a voice; ‘’Daniel, don’t do it, it’s a trap!’’ Suddenly, I’m out of my dream and back in my bed. Alone.
If I were ever asked to interpret exactly every aspect and meaning of this experience, I think it would be impossible. One thing I am certain of, however, and can interpret without hesitation, is that where the devil wanted to convince me that it was a good idea to add my name to the book of lost souls, it was Jesus Christ who raised His voice to rescue me from the lie of death. Amen!
It’s now over 25 years since this adventure took place. It took me a long time to get out of my Egypt.
Although I could recognize Christ’s presence in my life, I stayed in my solitude too long. I refused to open my heart to Jesus. I resisted God’s love. I deprived myself of His abundance, but Jesus is patient.
One day, my wife heard about a church from one of her friends.
I took the time to watch the pastor of this church on YouTube to convince myself that I could get around to listening to him in person. Finally, it was by joining this church in a room filled with the presence of the Holy Spirit that I understood that Jesus loves me. He made me realize that it was He who held back the kitchen knife when I was suicidal. He saved my life on more than one occasion. The truth of His love pierced my soul. Jesus replaced what defiled my heart with His love.
Today, I know God’s love. Amen to that!
To sum up, I can’t say with any certainty when, where, or how I offered my life to the Lord. For me, giving my life to the Lord is an act that takes on its authenticity only if we work at it continually.
I give glory to God for His love. For Jesus Christ and the presence of the Holy Spirit in my life. Thank you, Lord, for delivering me from the lies of death and giving me back the truth of life. Amen!
Daniel Cerro
