What was your life like before Jesus?
My life before Jesus was empty, dull, and meaningless. Having experienced rejection and abandonment, I had decided to do everything in my power to please others, so that they would notice me and acknowledge me. I adapted to every situation. I put on the appropriate mask and played the role assigned to me. I wanted to be the good friend, the good daughter, the good wife, and the good mother. That filled my emptiness for a while, but it didn’t last. I always had to start all over again. I wanted to prove to the whole world that I was strong, unshakable, and in control of my life. I wanted to bury my past, my suffering, and my emotions to show others that nothing could touch me. Everything was buried deep inside me. I felt my unhappiness every time I woke up and every time I went to sleep, but no one saw it. Anxiety, depression, self-harm, and suicidal thoughts were part of my life. I was at the end of my rope, overwhelmed by this struggle and the burden I carried. That’s when alcohol became my friend and a necessity to help me relax. To laugh and cry, but above all, to forget. I wanted, if only for a moment, to be free and carefree.
What moment or situation led you to seek God?
Alcohol had taken over my soul and my heart. Whether I was crying or laughing, having a really bad day, looking to have fun, or just wanting to relax, alcohol was always there. It was quietly wreaking havoc and causing destruction within me and all around me. I was in terrible pain. I felt ashamed and guilty. I was digging myself deeper and deeper into a hole. I told myself that I was nothing anyway and had nothing to offer. I was my own victim. Until the day when, in my drunken delirium and lacking judgment, I drove someone dear to me in my car. Everything could have gone wrong. And all because I was in pain, I had lost control of my life, and I thought I wanted to die. I was now dragging people I loved into my own pit.
At that moment, I knew I had hit rock bottom. That I had to do something. I closed the door to my room. I screamed, I cried. I knelt down and asked God—if He existed—to come and heal me and set me free. If He was by my side, I asked Him to lift me up and give me the courage to move forward. Today, it’s been almost six years, and my thirst for alcohol has been taken away. Nothing is impossible for God.
Describe your encounter with Jesus.
There were several encounters with Jesus before a particular situation allowed me to see, feel, and hear His presence. Jesus had been in my life since I was born, but I was too deeply rooted in the world to recognize that God’s only Son was near me. At the time, my eyes were veiled, my ears were closed, and my mouth proclaimed many things, but not the Word—His Word.
When I gave my life to the Lord, a massive spiritual battle ensued. The enemy tried to pull me away and make me give up my life with Jesus. I was exhausted and terrified.
I loathed hearing the enemy dwell on my past and try to make me believe things that shamed me and held me captive in my soul, my heart, and my body. I screamed, I cried. I called out to Him and sought Him with a pure heart. I asked Him to give me the spirit of truth and discernment. I told Him I was His daughter and that I needed Him. Because I was afraid of doing something irreparable. I wanted it to stop. The next day, as I was folding laundry and putting it in its proper place, a sharp, direct, and authoritative voice said to me: “You didn’t do anything.” I almost dropped everything. I looked around, and everyone was going about their business. So I asked my husband if he’d said anything to me, and he said no. At that moment, I felt completely thrown off balance and wondered if that voice had been a hallucination. So I went to bed and asked my husband if he had burned incense. There was a sweet smell on the side of the room where I sleep. He told me no. I then asked him if he could smell it, and he answered no again. At that moment, I felt a sense of peace wash over me, and I realized right then that God was there. He hears me, and He fights alongside me.
I fell asleep, and that night, Jesus showed me how He saw me—through His own eyes and with His heart. His love pierced my heart.
How did Jesus transform your life afterward?
Jesus washed away my past. He made me a new creation. He renews my mind every day and restores my heart so that it becomes purer and clearer, like crystal-clear water. He transformed me. He strengthened me. Although my human nature wants to take control at times, I must remain steadfast and rooted in him. If I abide in him, Jesus abides in me.
How is Jesus present in your life today?
He is with me from the moment I wake up until I go to sleep. Even at night, Jesus provides. He provides for my family. He is there for me in my struggles as well as in my moments of good deeds. In fact, if I turn to Him, He will be there for me at all times.
What would you say to someone who is struggling or searching for God?
Pray. We often take it for granted. We say our prayers, but we don’t ask the Lord to reveal His own prayers to us. It’s good to say our prayers, but we must ask Him to reveal His own prayers to us. I think that’s the key. But above all, what can be difficult for a human being is to praise and worship Him despite the hardships. For when we go through trials, we forget everything He has done for us, everything He is doing right now, and everything He will do. So when we take the time to thank Him, it sets aside our difficulties, our temptations, and everything else. For we know that He is there.
Is there a Bible verse that holds special meaning for your story?
There are several.
Yes, I couldn’t possibly choose just one, but there is one that is essential. It’s John 14:6: “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.” I try to hold on to that every day, because it sets the course of my day, and no matter what happens, if you remember it, it puts you back on the right path. On the other hand, Psalm 23 and Psalm 91—it’s Jesus’ protection over His sheep; it is the ultimate trust, obedience, and assurance that He will always be there. And Psalm 139 says: He knows you, He created you, He knitted you. He knows everything about you; He knows everything about you and everything around you. So He knows how to act in your life. He knows your identity from A to Z. Those are the verses.
Is there anything else you’d like to share for God’s glory?
There is nothing higher or greater than God. He sent His only Son for us. He died on the cross for us. To cleanse us and to reveal to us something greater, more beautiful, and more joyful. In fact, just knowing that someone is there for us at all times, someone who is always near us and someone we can trust. I believe that is what is greatest and most miraculous about Him. God does not change. God does not change. So when we hold on to that truth, God will always be the same. Every day. And then, if you truly seek Him. If you truly turn to Him, it is just something magnificent, and it is like a new beginning!